People in love make me want to vomit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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