sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
