you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
