he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
