oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry about my life...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
