found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
