Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
