He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The ass gains better be worth it
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