This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
