my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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