i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
