I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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