One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
