I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
