There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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