similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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