Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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