what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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