Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize