Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
