So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
