I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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