What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
