your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
