Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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