KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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