Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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