If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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