I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So here I am, sexting at work.
we should paint friendship bongs
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