the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
