my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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