But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
