you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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