i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
