I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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