Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize