at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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