# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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