Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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