It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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