How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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