so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
