oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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