I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
