Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize