i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
