So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thus making me awesome and them whores
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
