This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
