Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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