Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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