It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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