Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
