Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
