the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
