cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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