dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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