I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
