Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
