it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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