eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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