its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
