Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently you make a good broom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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