Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
