i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
