i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
