you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize