he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
